On ICE, Deportations, and Racism in American Today
My Own Thoughts and Fears as I Bear Witness to the Evolving Horror
My dear wife was born somewhere in Cambodia. I say somewhere because it was 1978 and her family was fleeing for their lives at the time through the killing fields of the Khmer Rouge. They don’t know exactly where in the bush they were at the time. They escaped over the Thai border, and she arrived here in the United States in mid-1979 when she was only a year and a half old. They were sponsored refugees fleeing true horror, genocide, exterminations … all of the worst terrors perpetrated by one of the worst totalitarian states of the last century. Growing up here, she learned to speak perfect English with no accent, and she has embraced American culture. She was naturalized in nineties. She is a professional, respected by her peers, a loving wife and an amazing mother. I don’t know how I would survive without her love, her passion, and her dedication.
I’m terrified.
Based on what we’re seeing from ICE and the Trump administration, I’m not sure how she came here, or even the fact that she is naturalized, or an able and willing contributor to our economy will protect her. Racism and xenophobia are driving a huge portion of our population to not only support draconian practices, but to cheer those practices with a religious fervor. I fear for her safety, and for our family.
At present, we don’t go anywhere without copies of the following documents readily available in case she is stopped by authorities:
Her Certificate of Naturalization - proof that she is a citizen
Our Marriage Certificate - this shows why the name on her citizenship document is not the same as her name on her identification
Her Passport - photographic ID
Her Driver’s License - photographic ID
Her Social Security Card - non-photographic ID
Will having these documents readily available help? If she is grabbed, carted away in an unmarked vehicle, and placed in some camp somewhere, will I be able to find her? There are reports that these camps are so overwhelmed that they are not properly able to ID and register everyone, so people are literally just vanishing into these black holes.
https://calmatters.org/justice/2025/04/ice-detention-center-investigation/
We’ve always faced some degree of discrimination in our relationship. I liberal San Jose, California, where we met, we would get looks and occasional comments from white people. However, we would sometimes get the same from traditional Asian people. The fact that Chanthy has embraced American culture, speaks perfect English with no accent, and as a result does not emote, dress like, or in any way emulate her traditional culture is viewed by some as a betrayal of her people and her identity. These people also challenge us on rare occasions.
Being in an interracial relationship has opened my eyes in so many ways that I can’t keep count. All couples go through difficulty and hardship, but that is magnified when some portion of the country hates my spouse simply because of her skin tone. This innate part of who she is, this part of her that she not only can’t change but would never change even if she could, is hated by some people for no reason whatsoever. We arrive at our son’s little league games and some folks say, “Hi Dan,” to the white man, and they don’t even look at my wife. Going to our son’s games is therefore anxiety inducing for Chanthy.
While we’ve always experienced some level of discrimination, things escalated severely in 2016 during that Presidential election cycle. We had a contractor come to the house to work on something. He came in, I introduced my wife and he said a gruff, “Hello.” Afterwards, he and I were chatting briefly about the work done, and he seemed a bit cold and aloof. He looked at the house (Chanthy inside), and said, “Hopefully Trump will do something about all these immigrants flooding our country.” He turned and left.
The worst example happened the next year when we had just adopted Aidan. He was perhaps four months old, and covered in his stroller so the sun did not bother him. We were walking out of Best Buy having just purchased a Nintendo Switch and Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Two older white ladies were walking towards us chattering away, and my wife as excitedly talking about how much fun it was going to be to play the new game. As the older ladies drew closer, they notices us. Both smiles turned to frowns. As they passed, one of them looked down at our stroller and disgustedly said, “Hybrid,” under her breath. I was momentarily too stunned for words and we just kept walking. Chanthy was so absorbed in her imaginations adventuring in the new game that she didn’t hear it. I told her, and she whirled around with dragon-fire in her eyes, but they were already passing into the store. What was a happy morning was soured by racist bullshit.
Things then got worse again when COVID came around and anti-Asian discrimination escalated. The looks and occasional comments became more frequent, and sometimes we would be in a public space where people would see her and quite literally draw back a little.
Now, we aren’t just anxious. Now, we aren’t just nervous about what someone might say or do. Now, we are terrified that ICE will come and “vanish” her. Now, we live with the fear that our government might take her away and that we might have no recourse.
Consider that for a moment. The country that once welcomed her family with open arms, joyfully celebrated rescuing a family from almost certain doom, today many in that same nation would celebrate her deportation with exuberant cheering.
I love my wife. I love our life together. Our son adores his Mommy, and is still a snuggly little cherub at 8-years-old. I can’t imagine what life would be like without her, and yet that is exactly what our increasingly disturbing government is forcing me to do anyway.
Please consider buying my book, A Walk Through the Wilderness.
https://www.amazon.com/Walk-Through-Wilderness-Dan-Conger/dp/1639882014/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Q8LDv7p-IqrBKUc0M_cQeg.TLKbELwFriv_KfhQ9i58ZurJNJdDqkQqA6kJSmWRWJY&qid=1751573676&sr=8-1